Does anyone else cringe when they hear the term "networking"? The term, when defined as "making social connections in the interest of your career," is about as cold as you can get. And yet, we all feel like this is something we're supposed to be doing. "Never eat alone," the business pundits tell us. It's even worse when such networking is scheduled. You go to a conference and scheduled between the keynote lecture and lunch are 45 minutes marked "Networking Time" (of course, you assume that the conference coordinators just wanted one less speaker to pay). And all the while, you feel as if it's all pretense, with everyone simply looking for more business (after all, they didn't order a thousand business cards last week for nothing).
Are you a cynic? Sure. But can anyone blame you? Probably not.
The mindset of my generation (18-34) is a cynical one -- a mindset that desires authenticity and is skeptical of randomly nice people (after all, how many times has a "nice person" turned out to be selling insurance, CUTCO knives, or a spot in their MLM downline?). So the idea of people befriending you with an agenda other than friendship is a bit disconcerting. So what's a potential entrepreneur to do? Obviously, you need the connections, but at the same time, you can't stand the "game." Well, here are five mindsets to take with you next time you shudder at the thought of networking.
You're Making Friends
I once read about a woman who was asked, "Do you have a network?" to which she replied, "I have friends." Don't see other people as utilties -- see them (and treat them) as friends. Don't make it your goal to find out their skillset and positioning in your industry. Instead, find out who they are, what you have in common, and all the other normal things that make a person a "someone." Although discussing one's work is often an intricate part of any conversation, if you can't talk as casual friends first, you may be coming across as just a marketer.
Help Their Goal, Not Yours
Too many people look at skilled workers as simply assets to accomplish their own thing. They see an accountant and think, "He can help with my taxes." They see a web designer and think, "He can help my personal website." Never do they think that these people have greater goals themselves. Perhaps the accountant is trying to finance a charity for third-world countries or the web designer is organizing some grand web community. But instead, they're recruited to help with taxes and personal websites. Instead of fitting people into your goals, find out what their big dreams are, and try helping them out.
Expect Nothing
Don't treat relationships as a zero-sum game, expecting an equal return for any help you give out. Workers-for-hire do this, not friends. When you enter into a continuing dialogue with another person, be willing to help them out even if there's nothing in it for you. Helping others grow their business is not easily forgotten and helpfulness doesn't often go unrewarded. Plus, if you expect nothing (and keep a good attitude), you'll never be disappointed or unnecessarily upset.
Follow the Flow
Get the word "networking" out of your head -- it's far too mechanical and impersonal for real-world scenarios. You shouldn't become "not you" just to get your elevator pitch in or to get your business card in their pocket. You may never talk business your first meeting. Or they may have no interest in what you do at first. Don't try to steer the conversation to where you want it to be. Just relax, hold a normal conversation, and do what fits. Any pretense or forced conversation will be very obvious to your new acquaintance.
Nice Guys Finish First
You don't need lofty position or a rapier wit to impress strangers. In fact, I think the best "networking" method is simply being sincerely nice to everyone you meet. At the end of the day, people will remember who just told jokes, who just talked about their company, and who was actually positive and sincere about what they do. Try to be in this last category and people will respect you.
So the next time you find yourself among business card-toting strangers, there's no reason to go into cynic mode (at least, not until they try to sell you health supplements). Just be real, be yourself, and try to keep these few points in mind...
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Greg
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